🇺🇸 John Strelecky (bestselling author): 5 things I wish I knew at 20

00:00:01: It's

00:00:19: really, really useful in life to look at the price tag and ask yourself a question.

00:00:23: Is it worth it?

00:00:25: If you don't like the life that you're living, Look at the inputs that your giving into algorithm And start making modifications.

00:00:32: Understanding this concept of transference and putting this filter between your brain in you mouth is one the single most powerful things that we can do in life.

00:01:03: Hi Five Guys, This is Joel And today I have a very special guest on Five Things.

00:01:07: Twenty.

00:01:08: A man who has been inspiring us to think with his books for years No other than The Great John Sterlecki.

00:01:15: Many of you probably know him as the best-selling author for The Big Five For Life and The Café at the Edge Of The World.

00:01:21: And Jen knows like no other how to take us on a journey, to our inner compass... ...and ask really big questions!

00:01:28: Questions like why are we here?

00:01:30: What do we want to achieve?

00:01:31: or How Do We Find Our Personal Fulfillment?

00:01:33: He has touched millions of people, like literally millions around the world with his stories.

00:01:38: And today he's giving us insights into that five things HE wishes he had known when he was twenty!

00:01:43: I'm re-looking forward to this conversation because who better than John Stirlacki to give a few lessons for our fulfilled life?

00:01:49: That being said dear John, warm welcome and how cool is it to have you

00:01:53: here?!

00:01:54: Thanks Joelle.

00:01:54: its great to be here thankyoufordoingwhatyoudo.

00:01:57: i know your bring a lot inspiration to people through podcasts & insight.

00:02:01: Yeah,

00:02:03: actually that's a similar journey as yours.

00:02:05: And I guess quite a few people ask themselves when they read your different books.

00:02:09: and we could start right with the Café series because it has like four books so far.

00:02:16: in recently The Fifth One just came out... ...and i was obviously asking myself if my main character is called John?

00:02:22: He talks about life change, finding to himself how much of a biography he is in these books.

00:02:28: Yeah, there's definitely my own story wrapped in all of the stuff that I write.

00:02:31: People ask me too about Safari to Sleepins or Life Safari and The Big Five for life And sometimes it is directly from my story that I implement into a character.

00:02:39: Sometimes i will take something form my story because it makes more sense.

00:02:44: Like we were talking offline a little bit in the second book and The Café series, Mike talks about his experiences with his daughter And those are hundred percent based on my own experiences With my daughter but It made more sense In the context of the story to have Mike being the one sharing that.

00:02:58: But yeah now I always say i'm the first One who's supposed To read My books going through the same struggles the Same challenges asking the same questions as the characters?

00:03:06: So it Makes it very easy for me to do the writing Because I know exactly what the emotions feel like.

00:03:10: But how funny is that?

00:03:12: Then it's actually like you are different persons in the same context, Like your mic when it comes to parenting.

00:03:18: You're the waitress When it comes thinking about their turtles The sea Turtles and which ways To follow on Which ones don't.

00:03:24: I imagine That would be very Very Funny.

00:03:26: Actually

00:03:27: It's interesting when you do writing Or at least for me when i Do the writing process Each character has its own sense Ability Its own feeling.

00:03:34: the tone of voice is different.

00:03:36: And so I would say it's not that i'm adding my voice to that character when I sit down and do the writing process, and that my job is simply to get it down as fast as possible.

00:03:49: I always say the stories are out there, and i just get to be part of their writing

00:03:52: process.".

00:03:53: And I can say that with certainty because characters will say something very often.

00:03:57: that's so wise... ...and I know was not inside MY head!

00:04:00: So yeah.. That one really cool aspects of The Café series all the books really.

00:04:03: Janne ,I was thinking about a book.

00:04:05: What does It Make So Great?

00:04:06: Or All Of Your Books ?

00:04:07: And I realized you're doing something which actually quite interesting.

00:04:11: You have really great concepts Details in them, but at the same time very easy.

00:04:17: The idea of having five things you would like to achieve and what's your then doing is put a story around them.

00:04:23: And I think it's really hard to put this story on these things because its some kind putting thing together into role.

00:04:30: It doesn't feel natural if we do that wrong way But with an easy twist.

00:04:35: so all books are not too thick or short.

00:04:42: And I was asking myself, how do you manage to get rid of all this complexity?

00:04:46: To reduce all that stuff to the max.

00:04:48: Well i'm a big fan of stories in general... ...I found when I was going through school That I did my best learning When it's story-based structure and so.. ..I just try design it The way they would work best for me.

00:04:59: first of All!

00:05:00: Second of all, ideally reading is a positive joyful experience.

00:05:05: You wanna see what will happen next Turn pages, be engaged with characters.

00:05:10: I like a life lesson that is told in a way, feels genuine and has emotion associated with it.

00:05:16: And so if you think about Safari to Sleep In's Life, Safari for example... ...I won't spoil the ending of someone who hasn't read this book yet but the entire story is dialogue as two characters are walking across Africa!

00:05:27: It gives us an amazing chance to share life wisdom for sure, but at the same time you're sharing a life with them.

00:05:33: You are seeing animals in the wild and they're experiencing what it's like to be on the plains and watching incredible animals of Africa?

00:05:41: And so you get add some adventure or very cool dialogue while hopefully creating enough suspense that wants to turn the page and see what happens next.

00:05:52: And that's really my goal because I'm not a fan of ones who feel like they're forced, you know?

00:05:57: It is someone took a single concept then said well i want it as a parable.

00:06:01: so do this way but just doesn't feel genuine for me.

00:06:04: So don't enjoy those books much or create something genuinely enjoyable.

00:06:12: The fascinating thing about that you still manage to continue them.

00:06:17: I can remember the first book, i read was a big five for life and i read it in a business context.

00:06:22: so usually when im thinking about like what would i like to achieve?

00:06:25: Im self-employed from a business perspective.

00:06:29: And then i read The Cafe on the Edge of the World.

00:06:31: They said oh okay cool!

00:06:32: This is basically the basis for this one Do What You Love Find A Purpose.

00:06:36: Then there are these five aspects we'd like put on top and the idea of museum filled with all experiences you make Wow done.

00:06:43: and then realized, oh there's a second part like return to the cafe on the edge of the world.

00:06:48: And

00:06:57: Yeah, so I don't write on demand.

00:06:58: I don' t say it's been two years and need to read another book but i will have ideas come to me based my own life experience as its moving forward.

00:07:06: So the second Book in the Cafe series is you said there was information about the experience of parenthood And Mike and his daughter Emma are catalyst for that discussion.

00:07:17: But this phase where we had our own daughters having these major epiphanies and about the purpose of life as it relates to parenting.

00:07:27: And so my own life had changed enough that it gave me new

00:07:29: content.".

00:07:30: Then for the third book in this series, you see the main character of John struggling with getting older... ...and I wrote that book because I was approaching fifty.

00:07:45: When you turn that age, you realize I will never be eighteen throwing on a backpack and traveling the world with absolutely no cares.

00:07:52: Nothing to worry about nothing to think about just completely free.

00:07:56: You'll Never Be That Again.

00:07:58: And that's okay As long as you've had something in your earlier life that checked that box for you... ...and i had done those things not at eighteen but did them little bit later.

00:08:06: But it was still Something I struggled with.

00:08:08: Joel..I Just Had A Hard Time Letting go of The fact that I would never be these different Things again.

00:08:14: And so I couldn't find my answers and it was only through the process of writing that third book in The Cafe series, but I really found my answers.

00:08:20: Many of which come into form with this character Max who's eighty... ...and Max just like tells us what he is!

00:08:25: He says listen doesn't matter if you're unhappy about being fifty?

00:08:28: Like YOU are

00:08:29: fifty!!

00:08:29: So get over because before you realize it your gonna be seventy and then eighty.

00:08:35: There an example on there Which a perfect illustration for asking where did these ideas came

00:08:40: from??

00:08:40: So i'm busy writing those books And I'm asking myself these questions and this character of Max, I see him talking.

00:08:47: I hear the things he's saying in his saying tell me something that you

00:08:49: like.".

00:08:50: The character of John says,"I liked

00:08:52: Christmas.".

00:08:53: He said okay what do you like about it?

00:08:55: It was a guy making cookies and spending time with family and friends.

00:08:59: how old are

00:09:01: you?".

00:09:02: Statistically we got twenty eight Christmases left.

00:09:05: What the...

00:09:06: twenty-eight?!

00:09:07: That is all you have left.

00:09:09: And what I loved about that moment in the story, and again i hadn't been able to figure this out on my own it was only through writing process is we often don't assign a numeric value?

00:09:18: how many of these types things have left.

00:09:22: You know if you love ski season well subtract your age from statistically what's going to be seventy nine years old.

00:09:28: thats so many seasons you've left all of sudden.

00:09:31: that reframes human experience such different way.

00:09:35: like said could find that though

00:09:38: Yeah, but I can totally imagine what you're saying.

00:09:53: or a professional NBA player and she like laughs at him as if this was his goal.

00:09:58: And

00:10:00: he says, yeah of course there's no my goal but I could have done it in the past and now i definitely cannot do it anymore.

00:10:05: and I have a business friend who actually told me the same.

00:10:07: He turned fifty just recently one or two years ago when you said well... And I found this slightly depressing to be honest.

00:10:25: How about you?

00:10:26: Yeah, well and that's the thing in the book.

00:10:28: You'll see that the character of John pushes back on Max.

00:10:31: The character of john finds it depressing.

00:10:32: i've founded depressing a real life too.

00:10:35: What max says is it doesn't matter if he find it depressing It Is.

00:10:41: You can either sit in the depression or you can realize that this situation is not going to change just because you find it depressing, and then go make it happen.

00:10:48: Make sure that you go to Africa now so that you don't have any regrets later Because of truth right there infront us.

00:10:55: I dont know about you but people i know who are seventy-five Even those ones with good shape It's not the same as when you're twenty-five or thirty five, or forty-five.

00:11:04: Like your body is just different and so having that awareness is what enables us to find the courage to take the steps today To live the life we want.

00:11:12: So then When We get to seventy-five...we don't look back with a regret!

00:11:16: We Look Back With A Whole Bunch Of Fantastic Museum Day Moments.

00:11:20: We May Still Feel Sad That Were Already Seventy Five And The End Is Getting Closer But At Least We Won'T Regret The Way That We Spent The Previous Decades.

00:11:28: And THAT'S THE POWER THAT COMES FROM THIS

00:11:30: I can remember in Germany, there was a...I think it's the woman who worked at the hospice.

00:11:36: You know basically carrying people over to death and she wrote about five things that people regret close-to-death.

00:11:43: And actually one of them is not doing what you love to do or talking with friends anymore.

00:11:48: So i guess your right.

00:11:49: The best time for something now isn't tomorrow.

00:11:51: That´s my favorite line from the cafe book.

00:11:53: It´s the epiphany John has when he talks to Anne and he comes to this realization that you can't regret not having done something if you've already done it, or if your actively doing right now.

00:12:04: And so from a parenting perspective You cant' regret that you didn''t spend more time with the kids If you're actively spending some of them when they are at different phases in life.

00:12:14: This is only path to victory as it relates to having no regrets.

00:12:18: So once you know that again It reframes how you choose choose to spend the minutes of your month, you're week or year.

00:12:27: And it's just super powerful for me because It is amazing how easy this is to wake up every day and do stuff without really consciously thinking about impact towards value life that we want have.

00:12:40: Do think in prices sometimes?

00:12:42: Because what I witness Is so many people who would love to be famous or successful but they don't ask for price.

00:12:52: And I'm not talking about monetary prices.

00:12:54: I'm talking about time you cannot spend with your family, practice.

00:12:57: you need to invest health issues You may get because of overdoing and all that stuff.

00:13:03: Also in a positive way if you're spending more time With your kids you need To accept the price That your career might Not be as successful As a singer or songwriter Or an artist whatsoever.

00:13:13: Do ask yourself is it worth It?

00:13:16: Yeah, it's funny that you asked because just the other day I was thinking about one of the worst phrases from a marketing perspective.

00:13:22: That has ever been dumped on people and here in the US there is very common which says You can have at all!

00:13:31: You can't.

00:13:31: if you're going to build a business, it's going to require three years worth of dedicated effort.

00:13:36: To really gain trajectory on that business and That Three Years Worth Of Dedicated Effort And I say this from personal experience means that year up until two in the morning?

00:13:44: and your thinking about at non-stop and Your networking and interacting with people and hopefully you love It because that's gonna dramatically increase The chances that it's Going to be successful.

00:13:54: but even If you Love it The fact that you're spending that much time on it means, You are not doing something else.

00:14:00: Maybe your'e not spending Fridays hanging out with your buddies playing football?

00:14:04: maybe It mean's if u have kids Your Not There to talk them in at night or read the bedtime stories and so everything comes With a price tag And is really useful In life.

00:14:13: To look At the Price Tag Ask yourself the question Is it worth it?

00:14:16: Because your right?

00:14:17: Sadly we usually just see the pinnacle of somebody's success.

00:14:21: We see the athlete at the absolute top of their game, but we don't know what it's like when the games over and they have to go sit in the ice bath for an hour-and a half because their muscles are in such unbelievable pain every single time they play.

00:14:34: or What happens?

00:14:35: When they turn forty five And I had to go through two knee surgeries.

00:14:38: Now i'm not saying that everyone But I think It is really useful To Have A well rounded perspective and picture Of what The upsides Are and what the costs For any Time you're going to invest your time.

00:14:48: Yeah I think this is also about comparison.

00:14:50: People tend to compare themselves on one level or one aspect, for instance success.

00:14:55: How much money do I get?

00:14:56: How famous am i?

00:14:58: how hard does my wife look?

00:14:59: How big is Michael?

00:14:59: that shit you know but they usually Do not compare themselves.

00:15:03: and how much effort do I spend?

00:15:04: what Does his health looked like?

00:15:06: What does mine looks Like?

00:15:07: this makes comparison probably quite hard because You only do it On One Level And Not All The Different Aspects Because It Gets Too Complex.

00:15:12: I Guess

00:15:13: Totally interestingly so That Your Talking Earlier On About the new book from the cafe sir said For Froggin.

00:15:19: In there, one of the biggest questions was about happiness and people were asking how do I find more happiness in my life?

00:15:24: How to get more happiness.

00:15:26: And so I wrote up two different answers like quite long answers from my perspective on those things... ...and then by research i found that in Finland which is considered the happiest country in the world One of the most specific reasons they say that people are happy Is it don't compare themselves with others.

00:15:42: A- They spend time in nature.

00:15:44: and B- Don't compare themselfs other.

00:15:46: culturally not something as normal.

00:15:48: And that really resonated with me because at the end of day, it's not about how good I'm doing compared to somebody else.

00:15:54: It's about How Good I'm Doing Compared To How Good Think I Can Do.

00:15:58: and so if the max capacity for Me Given The Other Elements Of Life That I Want To Have Like Maybe If You Say i want to spend every night reading With My Kid?

00:16:07: Thats Beautiful!

00:16:08: Thats Wonderful!

00:16:08: Thats Some Of The Fondest Memories That I have in my entire life is Every Night For like Ten Years My Daughter and I Would Sit And Read Together the time that she was super, super little and I treasure those memories.

00:16:18: And I realized that came with a price tag.

00:16:21: but there is something else i could have been doing But That Was More Important To Me!

00:16:25: And so allowing yourself to write The Storyline That Would Make You Happy With Your Life and not looking at somebody else's storyline unless you're Looking At It For Inspiration but do Not Look From A Comparison Perspective Is A Tremendous Tool towards enabling you to have more happiness in your life.

00:16:42: Because I think the contrary is, You're constantly judging yourself against others and there's always going to be somebody who has more of something that you are working towards-always.

00:16:49: Hmm...I

00:16:51: just recently did a interview series called The Pillars Of Success And i was asking people two questions at the beginning What Is Your Idea Of Being Successful?

00:17:00: And what is your idea of being happy?

00:17:02: And I found out our two aspects actually..The first one was for being lucky, like for instance winning a lottery or something and feeling happy.

00:17:14: Yeah?

00:17:14: I feel

00:17:14: happy.".

00:17:15: And sometimes I asked these guys that well you know... Being happy for me means winning the lottery are doing this in their stuff now was totally confused and then realized oh!

00:17:22: i said

00:17:22: no!!

00:17:22: I mean like happy in the sense of being happy not.. You

00:17:25: know??

00:17:27: The second part is I realize they were basically creating two images Like being successful means this and being happy means That.

00:17:35: And finally enough Pay in on each other.

00:17:39: Yeah, so they actually did different stuff than they said.

00:17:42: that makes them happy

00:17:43: and make time In the human story because not that long ago The idea of doing something that you love was such a luxury thought.

00:17:52: You know it was okay.

00:17:53: How do I have enough food to feed my family today?

00:17:56: And How do I make sure that we're not going to be rained on tonight from a shelter perspective?

00:18:01: This is not that long ago in the human storyline, but We worried about marauders.

00:18:05: We were worried about wild animals.

00:18:06: Were worried about the elements.

00:18:08: so this Is wonderful That word of place.

00:18:11: now that we have the flexibility and the capacity to be asking ourselves Okay What do what want to do?

00:18:15: that's actually fulfilling.

00:18:16: how do i wanna spend my time In a way that makes me feel like i'm really living The life that i want to live And i always think About You know, it's sort of a responsibility.

00:18:25: We're so lucky to be at this point in the human story.

00:18:27: It would be such a travesty for all the people who suffered To enable us to get here that if we didn't use it you know?

00:18:34: My grandparents, the life that they endured to enable my father... ...to have a life he had which enabled me access of what I have.

00:18:43: I'd be doing very big disservice for my grandparents if i didn't use time wisely in an extraordinary way given sacrifices made by them.

00:18:51: It's

00:18:51: interesting perspective.

00:18:52: it is respectful not only to yourself but also your ancestors and other persons who came before you

00:18:58: And there are plenty people on this planet struggling to figure out, what am I going eat today?

00:19:02: And so it's a bit disrespectful for them too.

00:19:05: To not take this opportunity that we've been given and really do something special with it

00:19:08: Before i dive into the fifth part of The Cafe With You in just a moment.

00:19:12: What Do you Answer People That Are In A Situation tough to work on when it comes to finding your purpose?

00:19:18: because there's an American saying like mercenaries versus missionaries.

00:19:22: Like, mercenary are the guys doing a job to get paid and be able do something they love for instance go on holiday or something?

00:19:29: And missionaries basically you who does something that loves.

00:19:33: but then there is people say listen kid!

00:19:36: That's nice what she said in theory.

00:19:38: But I have three children working two jobs.

00:19:41: i'm working at hospital to listen to think about my purpose and you know just stepping back into things I love because i have to find something to feed.

00:19:50: You can basically imagine what am talking.

00:19:52: but how do u see this like?

00:19:53: whats your answer?

00:19:54: them two still find a purpose in some thing you love, manage to do all is

00:20:00: yeah.

00:20:00: there's two reasons for job that feels purposeful.

00:20:04: the first one is becuase you'll enjoy minutes of life spending on that job more.

00:20:09: so thats personal gratification.

00:20:11: its wonderful and highly recommend it.

00:20:13: Actually, there's three in the context of this story that you just shared.

00:20:16: The second is because our kids are constantly watching us and so if as a parent what your goal is to enable your child to live happy fulfilled satisfied life then You're the single greatest role model for that.

00:20:30: And So If you do it There's A far greater chance That they will Do It Because They See By Proxy That Its Okay To Do Something That You Love and to be courageous, To find something that you love.

00:20:41: And so sometimes the great courage for people when they're faced with a challenging situation like That is to realize I'm doing this.

00:20:47: So my kids have This role model said They can live this extraordinary life?

00:20:51: The third reason Is because When You do Something that you Love and that your passionate about Your just better at it There's A greater chance of Making more money Probably one of the most important reasons why I would recommend it to someone who's working multiple jobs trying to get ahead in life.

00:21:09: If you actually have a passion for something, You enjoy the process of learning The more you know or become an expert.

00:21:17: In our societies, experts make more than generalists.

00:21:20: If there are ten thousand people who can do the exact job that you're doing then by the law of supply and demand it's very difficult for you to demand a higher wage because there is nine-thousand-nine hundred ninety-nine other people who could replace you instantly.

00:21:33: but if you have deep, deep expertise in a topic You become irreplaceable.

00:21:38: And now this supplied demand curve has shifted Then people will be willing pay a lot more for your expertise.

00:21:44: If you love the topic, learning about it isn't a job.

00:21:48: You actually enjoy the process and It happens easier and faster.

00:21:51: And so what I would say to somebody in that situation first of all is thank you for being A great parent Thank you for taking care Of your kids.

00:21:58: Thank you For wanting To provide for Your kids.

00:22:00: now let's see if We can help you make a mental shift That shows you that there's Actually way to do this.

00:22:05: that will Make your life Easier.

00:22:07: It's not that you should be beating yourself up because you're NOT focusing on your purpose.

00:22:11: Instead, by focusing on YOUR PURPOSE... ...you are going to increase the chances that your financial wealth grows dramatically That your kids will have a better sense of what is possible in their life and YOU'RE JUST GONNA BE HAPPIER!

00:22:22: As we both love stories I guess there were quite few people writing you emails sending messages on Instagram with their personal stories.

00:22:31: What was the most touching one you received?

00:22:34: The ones who always sort of rip my heart in a beautiful and positive way or grab my heart, I should say is the better way to phrase that.

00:22:41: Over the years we've had many people—and it just happened again when i was in Germany for this new book—that someone comes up with you they were going to end their life because something helped them realize there's reason a positive difference, maybe in any respect and somebody's life.

00:23:07: And I never ever thought that something that I would get to be involved with could be the difference between somebody realizing that life was worth living and life wasn't.

00:23:18: So I'm supremely humbled every time I have those experiences.

00:23:23: It's not that it is more important than other ones because what i get a lot as someone comes up says thank you so much like that cafe story or The Big Fire for Life really changed my life.

00:23:32: And when I ask them, what do you mean by that?

00:23:33: They say well I changed my job or I change where live.

00:23:36: Or I changed this relationship and those are super important because they can have just a cascading effect on the quality of life for that person in people around him.

00:23:46: but i guess it's becuase.

00:23:47: there were moments like mine especially as younger who looked at me.

00:23:50: experience was like...I don't get it..and im not sure if theres any point to either That I really relate with hopelessness When everything feels pointless And so I'm especially touched when the book or materials can connect with someone who's in that phase.

00:24:04: What is the fifth chapter of John's story?

00:24:07: and not The Real John, but The Café John look like?

00:24:10: In German people should buy it right now That a book called Zeit für Fragen im Café am Rande der Welt In English also questions about life at the café on the edge of the world.

00:24:19: what does It Look Like?

00:24:20: You said Chapter Two was about parenting and taking next step to find your purpose.

00:24:26: Then we had the aspect of becoming fifty the five foot leg.

00:24:29: Yeah, so this is a very different type of book and I want to set people's expectations that for those who love The Cafe story in setting up The Cafe characters In The Cafe That This Is Not That.

00:24:40: And So This Is Forty Six Questions From People Who Love The Books And Love The Cafe Experience And Have Written Into Say I'm Struggling With Something Or Curious About Something Can You Give Me Perspective On It?

00:24:55: First Of All A Book I Don't Recommend.

00:24:56: Reading Start To Finish.

00:24:58: To the contrary, I would suggest looking at The Table of Contents and just flipping through it.

00:25:02: And saying oh you know what?

00:25:04: Wow that question on how do i become happy That's the one that I feel most At this moment in my life is a Question I'm asking for myself.

00:25:12: Or Is It How Do I Get Rid Of Negative Thoughts?

00:25:14: or How Do Find My Purpose?

00:25:17: So use This as A Guide.

00:25:18: Use The Table Of Contents As A Guide For Where You Start Then When Your Done With That Particular Chapter Go Back to The Table.

00:25:24: And so this is really answering the questions from fans who love the content in other books that I've written and are now trying to implement it into their lives.

00:25:40: shift the way you look at your whole experience.

00:25:43: We just talked about this.

00:25:44: that, The idea of supply and demand based on knowledge like once You know That it reframes the point of trying to align?

00:25:52: The work that you do with passions that you have you see that It's Just a better process To actually win the game Of life.

00:25:58: And there's been so many of these over the course of my existence that I didn't Know but i struggled With for decades.

00:26:04: And I know that if someone just reads seven pages of content on that particular topic, they're going to have at least one or two major epiphanies that help them accelerate their path.

00:26:30: Like that's the max length I typically do for a chapter.

00:26:33: In those seven pages, i guarantee you You will accelerate your learning on that topic by at least seven months.

00:26:40: Great!

00:26:41: I love the concept because we have a common friend... ...I think We should greet her At this moment.

00:26:46: Her name is Karin.

00:26:48: She also wrote A great book in German.

00:26:50: It's called fifty setze die das Leben leichter machen And her book as well As Your new Book Have The same aspect.

00:26:57: Did she realize the phenomenon That sometimes in life You open your mind for something and all of a sudden it pops up.

00:27:04: All the time?

00:27:05: that's like when you have a child, and by a droler do see these ones?

00:27:09: Like the same brand you're buying all the time or whatever reason And in your case I think It's The Same Story That You Flip Through The Table Of Contents.

00:27:18: Oh This Is The Topic i'm Having Right Now.

00:27:20: So open the probability to find stuff that fits into your situation.

00:27:24: I'll need you buy it right

00:27:25: away.".

00:27:27: To me, my goal with this book is that someone doesn't read straight through over a course of five days.

00:27:34: This is where probably take one or two questions and really allow yourself to immerse energy in there.

00:27:41: Underline a whole lot of stuff that makes sense to circle things for future-right in margins And then put it on the nightstand and go back to it next day, read one or two chapters.

00:27:52: So I think that's probably going.

00:27:53: take people a good month—a month-and-a-half —to get through this book.

00:27:57: My hope is that it stays in the night stand because as you've experienced sometimes when you go back into your book two years later... You're like, whoa!

00:28:03: It was different books….

00:28:04: I realized stuff that didn't connect with me two years earlier.

00:28:08: Of course content doesn't change but we do so while right now person might be dealing with this.

00:28:13: How do I find more happiness?

00:28:14: Two years from now, it might be how do I deal with these feelings of sadness and depression or... ...how do i deal with the question of how can I understand and deal with my

00:28:21: fears?".

00:28:23: And so my hope is that this is a book that stays on someone's nightstand for a long-long time.. ..and helps them all the way through their human

00:28:28: story.".

00:28:28: I would say actually also other books are like this.

00:28:31: you know....I feel as if they wear some kind of wake up call!

00:28:34: They call you again hey there's this purpose

00:28:37: thing!!

00:28:38: You read about two years ago.

00:28:40: How is it going to them?

00:28:42: Okay, you're right.

00:28:43: What was about the green sea turtle?

00:28:44: again?

00:28:45: Oh yeah!

00:28:46: There ya go there y'all

00:28:48: but that's magic.

00:28:48: about the book I would say which i quite love.

00:28:50: Thank you, but let's move on to the five aspects.

00:28:53: You would have loved to know when your twenty I thought when Karen introduced us it.

00:28:56: okay that guy is perfect because you know big Five Guy talking about the five past things are you willing?

00:29:01: To tell your age?

00:29:02: Because i think It's always interesting from what age someone looks back On The Twenty.

00:29:06: sure

00:29:06: yeah no i'm fifty-five this year.

00:29:07: Fifty-Five

00:29:08: Yeah Okay so thirty-five years of experience because What I witnessed was if I am asking you When Your seventy I guess the five Things differ also, right?

00:29:15: So this is actually underlining what you say.

00:29:18: What's the first thing that would have loved to know when you're

00:29:20: twenty?".

00:29:20: Yeah I'd love to understand what i call the cosmic algorithm of the universe and it a very big broad topic so I'll try skinny down into short answer.

00:29:33: but in much same way as Google and you can type in purple gorillas fifty times in a row, And the algorithm of google realizes that for whatever reason You are deeply passionate about purple gorillas.

00:29:45: It will start feeding your content related to That-you'll get pictures & images & articles & stories... ...that there is something called The Cosmic Algorithm Of The Universe.

00:29:53: I dedicate a chapter To this book but i'll give you an answer here.. ..I believe that human existence works very similarly.

00:30:03: providing to the system, to the algorithm of the universe is looking at that and then supplying us with feedback based on what we're doing.

00:30:11: And so if you don't like the life that you're living look at the inputs that you are giving into the algorithm and start making modifications.

00:30:19: If your feeling frustrated all time and letting yourself vent frustration until frustrating stories or watching frustrating news then don't be surprised if what you get more of is frustrating parts of your life.

00:30:31: And I realize that this requires a shift sometimes, but let me give you very specific example to illustrate it the best….

00:30:40: If You're Very Frustrated With The Amount Of Deforestation In The Rainforest in Amazon Your Choice Is To Read Article After Article and Watch Video after video on deforestation or Knowing That The Topic Exists.

00:30:55: you can actively look for examples where the people are either preserving or they're re-forcing.

00:31:02: And in my experience, that when I fill my mind with people who were actively solving the problem that i'm concerned about.

00:31:09: it reframes my perspective on the problem and goes from being unsolvable to a realize there's options and gives me more hope and tactical ways which personally make positive difference.

00:31:22: so simple reframe In terms of the algorithm changes.

00:31:26: The output that I'm getting from the algorithms, so i'm putting the input in That says this is a topic?

00:31:31: I'm interested in tell me where it's being solved Tell Me Where It's Being Improved and the Algorithm Goes.

00:31:37: okay sure i'll give you videos about that.

00:31:38: i'll Give You Stories About That.

00:31:39: i'll Gave you connections to people.

00:31:42: You're going to be at a random party somewhere.

00:31:44: And the algorithm goes, oh you were looking for people who are doing positive things in the Amazon?

00:31:48: Wouldn't you know it?

00:31:48: out of fifty people your gonna have this random conversation with someone like yeah I just got back i was working on the pantalon and we're doing an amazing project for reforesting the amazon.

00:31:58: so This is what wish would've known for.

00:32:00: first thing.

00:32:01: twenty The way which this plays because that will change inputs into system.

00:32:06: I can totally imagine what you're saying because it's sometimes crazy.

00:32:08: Because when it comes to software, It gets visible but even there at takes time...I remember flipping through Instagram and my wife was like how is your instagram usage look like?

00:32:20: And i said well..i don't like this app!

00:32:21: Because basically theres only these bullshit videos of slapstick.

00:32:25: shit im seeing as ive finished the sentence.

00:32:29: Well, wait a minute.

00:32:31: Look at the display of my wife and show totally different

00:32:33: things."

00:32:33: Okay?

00:32:33: Oh!

00:32:34: I'm the idiot that's looking for a

00:32:36: slapstick!".

00:32:36: That makes sense but i can totally imagine what you're saying.

00:32:40: The funny thing is to open your mind To the fact that the universe works like an algorithm or You call it a navigation system in the second part Of the cafe books.

00:32:47: Yes quite interesting

00:32:49: Yeah...I love this concept of the navigation System from many perspectives.

00:32:52: This is a conversation that Casey And Jessica have.

00:32:57: whatever you are typing in, it's like the nav system.

00:32:59: If she keep typing in Italian restaurants It's going to assume that you love Italian restaurants and start providing you with content about that.

00:33:05: And so Casey is explaining this to Jessica.

00:33:07: and then Jessica says well how do I change it?

00:33:09: In case he says Start doing different searches You know, and it's so hard to accept after decades of our behavior That it's as simple as that.

00:33:19: and that's why wish i would have known at twenty but my personal experience At this point at fifty-five.

00:33:26: Now, one day of changing is probably not going to shift the entire algorithm instantly.

00:33:32: So it's a process that you go through but over time as you make dramatic shifts in what you're putting in You will see dramatic shifts and what comes back out?

00:33:39: The sad part actually.

00:33:41: my mom was telling me this at my twenties.

00:33:43: all-of-the-time she was saying like yeah She was always attracting the wrong kind of men Like partners she didn't love or um...you know It did always crashed In the end like one or two years ahead And she were saying I attract the wrong people all the time.

00:33:58: And watch out, son that you do not attract the right people and always said mom what?

00:34:01: What the heck are talking about?

00:34:03: Do i look as if they have some kind of magnet up my ass?

00:34:05: or like how should i attract People?

00:34:07: yeah but by now i know what she was saying because i think That The tough part About your learning is to understand.

00:34:14: it's very abstract.

00:34:15: How do i differ My input when the algorithm Or the entity Bringing stuff To me Is the universe?

00:34:23: Because the Input might be behavior, might be attitude.

00:34:27: Might interests.

00:34:28: you know what I'm saying?

00:34:29: Yeah so i would say there's a couple of major points to think about in this regard.

00:34:34: one is that when the algorithm sees you and a state of confusion In my experience The Algorithm backs off And says well it's clear To me You don't Know What You Want So I will hang here and wait until you figure it out.

00:34:47: And so if you're constantly changing your mind going back-and forth, then the algorithm cannot supply you with information that you truly genuinely need because it feels like you don't actually know what you

00:34:57: want.".

00:34:58: The positive elements of this is I've found when you draw a line in sand—you say no!

00:35:04: —I want to go to Africa by October twenty-twenty five... ...and you commit.

00:35:10: and maybe you don't know exactly the way that's gonna happen yet, but you commit to it.

00:35:14: And you start telling everybody about it and you start planning for

00:35:17: it.".

00:35:18: It's like magic happens!

00:35:20: All of a sudden these opportunities come your way people coming away resources from where they never could have planned before in.

00:35:27: The only explanation I can give Ford is the algorithm because i've had happened so many times In So Many Different Ways whether its destinations or People I'd Like To Meet Or Business Opportunities.

00:35:38: Im Interested In that this is the only way I can see it actually does happen.

00:35:43: And part of it could be too, its energy.

00:35:47: and so if you said i'm going to go South Africa by October twenty-twenty five why are we doing all these things?

00:35:54: Because they totally want a goal!

00:35:56: The energy in positivity you bring associated with that topic or experience in parts carries today.

00:36:03: because when people get excited about something And so as example in the job world, when people come to me and say can you help me find a job?

00:36:11: I said no.

00:36:11: Can't help be fine

00:36:12: job.".

00:36:13: But if he tell what your dream job is... ...I will definitely help you find that.

00:36:16: but eighty-nine percent of them don't like their jobs they do.

00:36:19: why would i want to be part.. ..of helping eight or nine out ten people find something that are going to be unhappy at for forty hours per week?

00:36:26: I dont'want it as my story!

00:36:30: And now I think about how amazing it's gonna be for you to spend those forty hours a week.

00:36:35: Now, i'm excited to help you and so that's part of It is the energy That You're bringing To The storyline?

00:36:40: But in Part Determines The Response From The People That Your Interacting With And That Helps The Cause.

00:36:45: Hmm...I

00:36:46: Can Remember I Had A Woman On The Show.

00:36:48: She'S A Witch And Also A Medium.

00:36:50: Her Name Is Tanya And she Told us Story Actually on Air So Basically Open Public.

00:36:55: And She Said You Know I bought myself a bike, a mountain bike because i moved to Bavaria and loved the forest.

00:37:01: but this bike was like pain in the ass.

00:37:03: I expected it be much easier But It's so hard to drive and I was grumbling about all of that time.

00:37:08: I was frustrated And once when on my bike ride and just did small pause Like went into woods took look at those trees Turned around then my bike got gone!

00:37:17: Then said what is going on?

00:37:20: I'm a witch.

00:37:20: I am focusing on things I am manifesting stuff.

00:37:23: why does my bike go on?

00:37:24: this can't be.

00:37:25: And then she realized,

00:37:27: oh

00:37:27: the universe did it.

00:37:28: Like I was so frustrated of the bike that the university okay?

00:37:31: She doesn't like it!

00:37:32: So let's take it

00:37:33: away.".

00:37:34: Her idea was that the Universe isn't judging... ...so the algorithm is not judging what you're asking for at least as long as your clear on what you are looking for.

00:37:41: and this quite a tough part from many people i think That they realize sometimes they focus on stuff thats bad to them.. ..and get more out there.

00:37:48: Yeah

00:37:49: ,I'll give very specific examples about how it works because this one seems present for a lot of people, and it certainly was from me at different phases in my life when I was younger.

00:37:58: And so if you believe that the algorithm is a benevolent presence—and again —you can substitute a word that works better for you... If you don't like the word algorithm or universe… You could put God in there – whatever fits your perception about how this whole experience works because we're all guessing based on our own experiences and terms which work best to us And so I do believe it is a benevolent presence.

00:38:23: So as the loving, benevolent presents The algorithm looks and says well gosh that guy John he spends so much time at That desk.

00:38:32: get that cubicle.

00:38:33: i mean look at that.

00:38:34: He spends ten hours A day sitting in that chair looking At that little screen.

00:38:38: thats just a few feet away from his face.

00:38:41: He must love that!

00:38:42: It's crazy because Look His back hurts him.

00:38:45: He's dehydrated and he's missing out on his kid's football game but still, he just sits at that chair in the screen.

00:38:53: He must love it!

00:38:54: Think of all things he could be doing... But since he loves so much I will give him more of this.

00:39:02: I genuinely think our actions are contributing to perception we're feeding into algorithm.

00:39:08: I don't want minimize.

00:39:10: anybody struggles with life When we say things like okay, the output that you're getting is related to the input That you're putting into this system.

00:39:19: I do believe there's another game going on also and what is it about our life?

00:39:34: But in part of that game, we have picked certain challenges.

00:39:37: We want to grow from during the human experience and so Part Of The Storyline is related To The Things That We Decided We Wanted To Experience Before We Got Here.

00:39:46: And In Conjunction With That On A Whole Other Level Is Sometimes Where The Supporting Actor In The Play That's Going on And Sometimes The Lead Actor.

00:39:52: So Sometimes What'S Going On Actually Isn't About Us.

00:39:55: It' About Our Role In The play As it Relates To Someone Else.

00:39:59: All These Things Are Combining At The Same Time.

00:40:01: What We Can Control is what we're putting in and therefore, in large degree where were getting out of the algorithm.

00:40:08: When I was talking to Tanya she was talking about a law it's called the hermetic Law of Sending & Receiving And What She Basically Was Addressing To Is That She Said You Know Quite A Few People Are Good At Sending So They're Hustling All The Time.

00:40:22: they are working their asses off Their Investing But They Forget To Receive.

00:40:28: passive act of doing.

00:40:30: So you lean back, it's about trust in a way that you are carried and then stuff will find to.

00:40:36: how do you manage to come into receiving?

00:40:39: Receiving is one of the toughest things for people who were empathic.

00:40:42: The givers of the world love to give.

00:40:45: they struggle to receive.

00:40:46: I find And i say from personal experience the reason They struggled to receive can be very different depending on the person an implied reciprocity.

00:40:57: And so if someone helped you, the expectation was they sort of logged that in the ledger and then at some point They would call him that favor and say well You remember that time when I helped?

00:41:06: So now you got to help me and even as a child That didn't like that.

00:41:09: i Didn't think that felt right because i didn't want To be held responsible to them.

00:41:13: get The call back.

00:41:14: and so that Sort of painted a picture In my mind Of why i shouldn't ask for Help or don't Want to Get help.

00:41:20: The truth that I realize now is something very different in the reason we like to help people, those who are empathic because it makes us feel good.

00:41:28: And so when we deny others an opportunity for helping them, they're being incredibly selfish and if you don't let other people do this, then there's no way of letting them feel good!

00:41:40: And so much better is to realize that when you're doing something, what are excited about?

00:41:45: Something that your passionate about.

00:41:47: That's an alignment with your big five for life or your PFE.

00:41:50: in essence other people will probably really want To participate and not because they take great joy In knowing but They help.

00:41:56: You do see Your experience the Life that you Wanted to do See your Experience and So now I view it completely The opposite.

00:42:03: It's Better to put it out There.

00:42:04: give People the opportunity to Contribute if They want to and If They say no i don't Take it personal.

00:42:09: I just realized that for that person, maybe right now they don't have the time and energy or interest.

00:42:14: But it's not personal—they are in a space to actually help at some

00:42:19: capacity.".

00:42:20: So yeah….

00:42:21: One of my greatest things is – this may be number two on my list —I wish I had known when I was twenty!

00:42:26: And that is ask-for-help A LOT!

00:42:31: Ask-for Help regarding things you're genuinely passionate about.

00:42:34: And if I'd have done that when i was twenty, my life would've taken such a different trajectory.

00:42:39: Cause'I thought had to figure it all out on my

00:42:40: own.".

00:42:42: Yeah and the funny thing is- I can remember there's this very famous entrepreneur here in Germany.

00:42:47: he built up about big internet companies... ...and who was like ruthless!

00:42:50: He always copycatting stuff.

00:42:52: so you looked at

00:42:53: U.S.,

00:42:54: then copied ID here until either exited via an IPO or bought by the original.. ..and one girl went with him to Japan and they were trying to copy the idea of Groupon in Japan.

00:43:07: And he was meeting all his competitors for an interview together with that lady and was asking them the question, like how do we do this?

00:43:13: How did you do that.

00:43:14: What is your idea on this

00:43:15: part?".

00:43:15: And she said I was sitting next to that guy and it was totally mesmerized by the fact that your direct competitors actually told all of their secrets and ideas what they thought about stuff.

00:43:25: so when he just said even works if its against logic or being positive for a company right So i guess You're Right On This One.

00:43:32: If We Can Work In That Environment Imagine When It's Actually Something Beautiful And Positive Related To Your Purpose They really will go out of their way to help whenever they can.

00:43:42: What's

00:43:42: your idea on why this is happening?

00:43:44: Like, Why are people so happy about

00:43:46: it?".

00:43:46: Well I guess in general People like to help because It makes them feel good... ...I think wired within most people who

00:43:52: were

00:43:52: kind and generous And empathic Then gives them a degree Of happiness and satisfaction.

00:43:58: Even for people Who aren't wired that Way but have A strong sense of significance So Their main driver Is wanting To know That they're important.

00:44:07: Knowing that they helped you achieve makes them feel important and so it checks a box in their psyche.

00:44:13: That works.

00:44:14: There's lots of reasons, It depends on the person but The truth is Again, for people who haven't tried this I really encourage you to do so because it's something that like i said I struggled with forever and would have dramatically accelerated my life in beautiful positive directions had just got comfortable asking the question.

00:44:39: And so the minute I ask the question, how do you do this?

00:44:43: or what is the reason?

00:44:44: You.

00:44:44: Do This.

00:44:45: it's demonstrating that i don't know The answer and my fear was That I didn't want to look stupid.

00:44:50: the truth Is that by not asking the Question in trying To figure everything out on My own I actually was being stupid.

00:44:56: And so it wasn't in my behavior that was required because nobody knows all the answers and again, asking questions, asking for help is just going to dramatically accelerate your path than your progress.

00:45:08: It's just a better more efficient way to do it.

00:45:10: It keeps you much more balanced.

00:45:13: some life.

00:45:13: then thinking that you always have to figure everything out on your own Even the act of going on Google and typing a search in is asking.

00:45:20: And so maybe that transition for people was to realize like, why are you comfortable doing that?

00:45:23: Well sure I can do it on Google.

00:45:25: great well It's the same thing.

00:45:26: You just got to ask your real person.

00:45:27: have a guess.

00:45:27: i've recently had a podcast On AI Search.

00:45:31: What Do You Think Is The Amount Of Searches You Start Per Day With Google?

00:45:36: Oh That'S A Good Question!

00:45:37: I Would Say For Myself Its Not That Many.

00:45:39: I would say five To Ten per day.

00:45:42: two

00:45:42: hundred

00:45:42: That's the average for a person?

00:45:44: Jesus, how in the world are they spending that much time on their computer.

00:45:47: Yeah because you know usually when you type into your browser and then top navigation bar this is also Google search.

00:45:53: anyway I realized what he was telling me.

00:45:55: right And there's saying about children as well.

00:45:59: One thousand questions a day, one-thousand.

00:46:03: I have a friend.

00:46:03: she has four kids and once said to me Joel your kid asks one thousand questions per day.

00:46:07: i have four of them so i'm answering four thousand questions every day.

00:46:10: can you imagine what my life looks like?

00:46:14: It must be asking some those internally because doing the quick math in my head at least A question an answer is going take a minute.

00:46:19: Four thousand minutes on that day!

00:46:20: I don't see it actually happening somewhere along there.

00:46:23: The map doesn't work but I love the concept Of being very proactive And asking questions.

00:46:29: And I was thinking about this question, do you think that every kind of help is good health?

00:46:34: Because you were mentioning a different type of help at the very beginning.

00:46:37: Of your saying when You mentioned that you had like neighbors who helped out of the expectation That they receive help back.

00:46:44: or sometimes there's also people helping without being asked and i Think There are really Different ways of Helping People.

00:46:50: what's Your perspective on This?

00:46:51: well i think that The more you Do this the More you start to realize Who has just A genuine interest in Helping you and Who might be doing it because of A secondary motivation.

00:46:59: And so you'll quickly figure out the difference of the two and then align your asking towards people who are more in conjunction with a type of response that they want to get.

00:47:08: Some might be happy about their reciprocal, but some may not accept helping knowing there was going to return somewhere down on this line.

00:47:16: It just didn't work for my psyche But it's great fit for someone else.

00:47:20: Do you believe in karma?

00:47:21: From what context like... You're gonna come back into next life.

00:47:29: That might be one aspect, but actually I think the other is even if you're not making a list of how many people who have helped.

00:47:36: The list was created by the universe.

00:47:37: i would say so yeah?

00:47:38: So If your helping lot of people they naturally to help back.

00:47:43: sometimes it may that person A with something and its person C or B helps you.

00:47:49: what goes around comes around some kind generic law of our universe.

00:47:54: Yeah, I haven't thought about it in that context before but now you're describing me and my own life.

00:47:58: experience is true when i'm doing the best version of John Strelakie.

00:48:04: so living in alignment with purpose to create museum day moments for others things will just automatically happen are exactly what you talked about.

00:48:17: It wasn't directly related to the A action that I took, but C-action happens anyway and so that may be another element of The Cosmic Algorithm—that your contributions...I guess it makes sense in the exact way we were talking about…your contributions are then resulting in feedback that comes back to you.

00:48:35: You may not see the direct connection between the two —but there probably is a direct.

00:48:39: Yeah,

00:48:39: the interesting part is I mean it's only a picture that you created with navigation system.

00:48:43: But if your saying you're typing stuff into the navigation system whether you call it God or whatsoever then helping other people somehow something like looking at other drivers and help find their way right?

00:48:54: You know what i'm in?

00:48:55: That's an interesting stretch.

00:48:57: And as you just mentioned Your name Do have Polish ancestors.

00:49:01: where does your name come from?

00:49:03: Yeah, I know that it's Eastern European so i've had numerous people tell me its from different regions but certainly Polish Czech Republic.

00:49:10: I get a very typical response back for people saying hey is your name right?

00:49:13: It's from those regions.

00:49:15: and there isn't an island in Prague named Strzelecki Island And supposedly as the story goes thats like my great-great-great somewhere.

00:49:22: how many...I don't know how many greats it is But some were great.

00:49:25: grandfather was a gardener and he dove in front of an assassin, took a bullet for a prince.

00:49:31: And so they named the island after

00:49:33: him.".

00:49:33: That is way that this story goes... So I haven't actually been there but my parents were told when they visited them.

00:49:38: Are you into ancestry?

00:49:40: Do take look at stuff like

00:49:41: that?

00:49:41: You know it used to be very not-intuit from perspective that i can't take credit on anything my ancestors did or if something bad happened then don't want to take credit for their bad behavior either.

00:49:51: So just put no emphasis whatsoever.

00:49:54: Now at this point in my life, I'm very much more curious about the challenges and struggles.

00:49:59: And the life that they lived and the contributions that they made... ...and i'm also curious because I do believe there is a cellular transfer of behavior.. ..and it's generational often!

00:50:11: By Cellular, I mean belief systems get transferred into our DNA In terms we approach Life Mechanics.

00:50:20: of that I can't explain for sure, but everything is a combination of protons neutrons and electrons which at larger form become cells.

00:50:27: Those cells are manipulated based on our belief systems And so what we believe impacts our physicality or natural state?

00:50:35: Happens four generations ago.

00:50:37: that is still at a cellular level.

00:50:39: part of your DNA could be.

00:50:40: Part Of the way, That you think about something now far more likely to me Is that it's generationally transferred in terms of behavioral traits.

00:50:47: and so as an example In my own life story As I said My grandparents were immigrants And So as part of their immigrant Story there was An incredibly traumatic moment when my grandmother was just five years old.

00:50:59: And she then exhibited a particular type of behavior, of wanting to prove that she was worth having around and I saw that reflected in my father and I see that reflected on siblings and i'm sure somebody from the outside would see parts of it.

00:51:13: me knowing its there enables you say oh is something im happy about?

00:51:18: in terms of my behaviors, or is that something I want to change?

00:51:21: And so i think it's very useful to understand the genealogy and stories.

00:51:24: The stories are more important than probably where people came from To know if those are impacting how you view your world That you can actually choose different things.

00:51:32: You're not defined by them.

00:51:35: Yeah, I was just asking at ShedGPT what your last name means and it says something like Archer or Bowman.

00:51:40: So maybe the story is correct you're saying?

00:51:43: The Hunter's that i've been told.

00:51:44: so yeah under somewhere back in that entire story there is somebody who has wandered around Eastern Europe playing some part of role.

00:51:52: but I mean you are a hunter as well, hunting experiences, memory...

00:51:58: Exactly.

00:51:58: I'm an adventurer at my core and what i want is to get the end of life with no regrets, so you're right!

00:52:04: I am hunting those minutes quality-quality time for people who care about having experiences that matter.

00:52:09: But

00:52:10: this comes more to public now because it's a transgenerational aspect.

00:52:19: Why do I have this wish of being on stage?

00:52:22: I'm not introverted, I'm like in between.

00:52:25: And she said well that has to with your grandpa and one my grandfathers is

00:52:28: adopted.".

00:52:29: He says it's totally typical of grandfather as being adopted but their children or the childrens' children try to prove they value too many people.

00:52:38: yeah i think its fascinating what happens across generations But In My Mind It Gets Totally Complicated.

00:52:45: If both is true, what you just mentioned.

00:52:48: if on the one hand have this transgenerational aspect.

00:52:50: On the other hand there's an aspect of.

00:52:52: I come to this planet with a plan in mind that some kind of spiritual world afterwards and... You know what i mean?

00:52:58: It gets like so complicated.

00:53:00: This gets

00:53:00: really fascinating because it for any challenges when your are in pre-human form let say you're an energy out there floating into ether And oh!

00:53:09: I would pick this particular challenge.

00:53:11: I'd like uncertainty about my self worth.

00:53:15: And so your soul is looking at all of the possible places you could be born and it says, oh look at that.

00:53:21: Like That woman wants to have a kid and her grandfather was adopted.

00:53:26: So if I make that her kid he's naturally gonna Have that as part of the genealogy.

00:53:31: when you look at it from that perspective You might like whoa?

00:53:33: That's so complex But that's actually not complex at all in terms of data sets and the way in which... It's complex.

00:53:39: don't get me wrong but From what we know about technology now Fascinating more than it is complex and more that it's unbelievable.

00:53:48: Again, It something I think can be incredibly useful...I'll give you a very specific example through the story i saw which was just so profound about guy who as business executive he was an incredibly caring father loving present in his kids life.

00:54:01: And then when his son turned eight years old, he actually left the country and went to work overseas.

00:54:06: So we left this family behind didn't divorce from his family but just said I'm taking this job overseas and i'll come back every three months or so...and His kids were very traumatized by that.

00:54:16: they couldn't understand what the heck happened like dad was so there?

00:54:19: Then all of a sudden He's not There!

00:54:21: And I remember having a discussion with him in asking about his life story.

00:54:24: and sure enough When he Was Eight Years Old his father died.

00:54:29: How interesting that the code that is written in the mind of an eight-year old boy, Is when son is eight father goes away.

00:54:36: And now sure enough When this child becomes a man and then has their own Childs and that Son Becomes Eight The Code That is Written In Him Is When Boy Becomes Eight Father Goes Away.

00:54:49: I've seen this time and time again in people's behavior on so many levels.

00:54:53: they can't explain why their doing what they're doing.

00:54:56: They give you rational explanations, but when understand the story behind a story You see patterns And So Again i just think it is fascinating from perspective of our life as either dictated by these patterns or we can realize were in control make decisions.

00:55:09: How do People react When you talk like that to them?

00:55:12: because I was asking myself, i'm in the business world right?

00:55:15: So I have to be like logical a lot of times and think about strategies.

00:55:19: And all this...and I was always asking myself Like This might sound pretty spiritual or esoteric for certain people but I realized that reactions aren't as bad as expected.

00:55:29: As long it's interesting something and believe in it from my point-of view People react rather positively.

00:55:34: It is also time now For example looking at solutions.

00:55:39: But what's your perspective on this?

00:55:40: if you're talking about these kind of destiny aspects, transgenerational things?

00:55:44: I would never bring it into somebody's space.

00:55:48: If it wasn't something that they asked me about but if they said hey...I've been struggling with this lately and i know That You Think About Life And You Think Of Different Ways In Which The Human Experience Intersects With Different Parts Of Our Life Or Business Life or Family Life the rest of that.

00:56:04: Do You Have Ten Minutes To Talk About This And I would listen to them.

00:56:08: I would ask a lot of questions and the goal ideally is that even if i see the pattern, my goal Is To Help Them See The Pattern Not Tell Them The Patterns?

00:56:18: So I Would Ask Them Questions And Ask Them Question.

00:56:20: Hopefully You See All Of A Sudden It Clicks That They Understand They Seed The Connection.

00:56:25: If not Then I Would Say... I'm Not Sure This Is True.

00:56:28: In Hearing Your Answers I See Something That you May Find Very Interesting.

00:56:32: If You'd Like I Can Walk You Down That Path.

00:56:35: And they're either going to say yes or are there gonna say no?

00:56:37: If they say, No.

00:56:37: Fine if They Say Yes then I'll say okay.

00:56:39: So here's what i see and I'll explain it and i'll say What do you think about that?

00:56:43: so It's very much of just putting information out There asking them questions and if it feels right if they See the connection fantastic.

00:56:50: if not That's Okay too.

00:56:51: hmm You know there is Information that we understand To be true based on our own life experiences but We can't actually show The data set that proves it.

00:56:58: and may AI will cross that barrier in terms Of some of these things.

00:57:02: he only Pushback that I have on those things is, Yeah,

00:57:23: but yeah.

00:57:30: But anyway what about your third point?

00:57:31: I'm curious.

00:57:32: Third

00:57:32: thing that i wish I would have known when I was twenty... ...I would say be more active in sampling from the buffet of life And so asking people questions which is my second one uh Is maybe kind of related to that but this is more tactical In terms of actually doing this stuff.

00:57:50: and So I was uncertain and afraid As I was going through my early stages and the fear of failure was very dramatic.

00:58:00: And I can tie it actually back to a very specific incident, then only realized that when I was in my thirties like what worded at the genesis of that fear come from?

00:58:08: But if i could go back have conversation on myself.

00:58:10: now is twenty or just had an awareness as twenty would understand that know everybody fails and actually paths victory through failure.

00:58:19: you don't want keep repeating same mistakes over again.

00:58:23: bad disaster waiting happen.

00:58:25: however In order for you to achieve greatness in any field, whether it's learning a language or establishing great relationships with people or business success.

00:58:34: You're going to have try things and some of those are not gonna work out.

00:58:38: And if you expect that... ...you can get there life by only doing the thing they know your'e good at Or but.. Only doin' ththings you know you can succeed at every single time.

00:58:47: Your life is quite small which how my life view looked back then.

00:58:52: And from an outside perspective, it wouldn't have seemed that way.

00:58:54: People would've seen me as successful in school or a good athlete but inside of my head was perpetual round-of-fear and so I'd be awesome to get beyond that.

00:59:03: Do you know this picture?

00:59:04: It says what success looks

00:59:18: like getting in the game.

00:59:23: And so yeah, that's a great perspective.

00:59:26: and you know, the more you study other people stories like I would have been...I'll make this my fourth one.

00:59:31: uh So i really wish that I would've been more aware of power biographies where the question is not how do I, so it's not How Do I Learn to Play Guitar?

00:59:46: It's Not How Do iLearn To Be an Entrepreneur.

00:59:48: Its'Not How DoI Travel Around The World?.The Question Is Who Has Already Done Those Things and What Was Their Path?

00:59:54: And what Did They Know Already?,and Then You Simply Imitate those Pads and you Can Always Feel Free To Do Your Version Of The path.

01:00:01: but understanding who that out there gives you such An Incredible trajectory right from the start.

01:00:09: It takes away so many of the fears, so much of the uncertainty, So much of hesitation and inaction comes from.

01:00:17: how do I do this?

01:00:18: And understanding who's power is making that food you feed yourself on a regular basis.

01:00:26: That has been one of my most powerful things ever learned.

01:00:31: You

01:00:33: just mentioned that you could basically nail down your fears, down to one moment in your life.

01:00:39: Do feel comfortable talking about it?

01:00:41: Yeah sure I've shared this story the past and other settings.

01:00:46: It's kind of a long story so i'll be very brief with it but Basically...I was raised an environment where my parents had us young And there were lots of stress on our household.

01:00:57: My dad is entrepreneur trying build up business trying to deal with three little kids, a lot going on there.

01:01:03: At the same time now I realize at this phase of life he was probably also taking care of my grandparents at that point so dealing with a lot and because of that He would vocalize his frustrations in the form of yelling like he would yell a lot.

01:01:19: So when i was a little kid-I was about five or six years old-he wanted me to go into the basement And find a drill...He needed a drill for project.

01:01:29: I remember distinctly this moment of going down into the basement and he told me that it was on the workbench, but you know five or six year quite small.

01:01:34: You can't actually see above the work bench And so That was a problem.

01:01:39: So i had to climb around something To get on top Of The Workbench in our basement Was always A disaster.

01:01:45: like there was stuff absolutely everywhere?

01:01:48: In addition to the fact that I wasn't tall enough to See and have to climb On here It was also just stuff was Everywhere.

01:01:53: And I knew that if i went upstairs without the drill, he would become angry and yell.

01:01:58: So I was very afraid to do it but couldn't find it.

01:02:01: so after about twenty minutes of looking... I was cowering at the base of The Steps, afraid to go up knowing what would happen but knowing that i couldn't stay in The Basement forever.

01:02:11: And so finally... ...I went upstairs and said.. ..'I can't find a drill'.

01:02:14: And sure enough everything That I knew is going To Happen did happen!

01:02:17: He Was very angry and he stomped Very specifically down each Of The Step's Going Into The Basements to let me know You Failed and Went Down into The Basment and started throwing stuff everywhere venting his frustration.

01:02:29: and you Know I'm Sure The Frustration Is Not At Me.

01:02:32: As a matter of fact, I'll make this my fifth thing.

01:02:34: Remind me in a second his frustration was at the moment Of it does and things that were going on in his life.

01:02:40: And he couldn't find the drill because It wasn't in The basement.

01:02:43: so He goes back up the stairs stomp stomp Stomp goes Back into the garage throwing things around the garage and finally finds the drill.

01:02:50: It's in a garage, so The whole task of sending me to the basement was actually pointless because it wasn't even in the basement.

01:02:55: So there was that aspect of his frustrations That he would vocalize.

01:02:58: And then there was a second piece of his personality which may have been tied To this story I shared about my grandmother.

01:03:03: He would never say that he was sorry.

01:03:05: and In retrospect now i think the I'm Sorry Was tied to be?

01:03:09: I'm not worth having around like if you admit that You failed.

01:03:12: oh well If you keep failing maybe you're Not worth having Around.

01:03:16: and this was tied to her story, so generational transfer.

01:03:18: And so he would never say that he was sorry.

01:03:20: instead He'd do things very kind.

01:03:23: So at night for example we're all going out on ice cream.

01:03:26: Everybody gets the flavor of ice cream they want in their sunday.

01:03:29: That's his way saying I'm sorry about what happened earlier But a little kid doesn't connect with dots.

01:03:36: You don't realize one is related to another.

01:03:46: when I had this flashback moment and saw that exact scene, that i just described.

01:03:50: I was thirty two years old at the time And I watched it almost as if I was watching a movie.

01:03:54: and amazingly enough When I got to the end of the movie and realized That As A thirty-two year old man like instantly my fears disappeared because I Saw everything that happened in such a different context?

01:04:05: We all have those.

01:04:06: everybody has situations In their life that are formed when Their lens Was not fine tuned Enough as it is an adult.

01:04:14: And so you have these experiences and your looking at them still,as in adults but looking through the lens of a child.

01:04:21: If you don't allow yourself to look into their lens they can continue negatively impact what you feel about yourselves.

01:04:27: What do think are capable?

01:04:29: The approach that life has all kinds different ways.

01:04:32: Did u have chance talk with him to clean air?

01:04:36: No I never did.

01:04:37: he had passed away before I had completed the circle of exactly what that meant.

01:04:42: We did have a much better relationship in the last decade of his life, for sure because even though i never had the conversation with him... ...I understood things at different level and actually share my fifth one.. ..because it relates to this story and ties in perfectly.

01:04:55: One of the major ahas I've had in my life is this concept called transference And so very often in life we will experience different emotional triggers as were going through our day.

01:05:06: So It could be- I'll give you a specific example from my experience with my daughter.

01:05:10: So because of that, when I just shared that story growing up in an environment where there was a lot of yelling on the day That My Daughter Was Born i committed to her literally In The Hospital.

01:05:19: When I held Her for the very first time I looked at it and said I will never raise my voice To you?

01:05:23: I Will Never Yell At You!

01:05:25: I Will Always Challenge Myself To Find Another Way To Get My Point Across.

01:05:29: And so One day she was about three years old, and you probably know this from being a parent yourself.

01:05:36: When the kids are little they can't reach the sink to brush their teeth.

01:05:39: And so you have these little step stools and I have to climb the steps tool too.

01:05:42: that So she's like three-years-old and instead of climbing the steps stool to brush her teeth She's dancing on the steps tools up down it up into jumping up and down laughing goofing off.

01:05:52: And to my day, Joelle had been a very frustrating day.

01:05:55: I was working on something that I was excited about and I had a partner who is supposed to do their part and they didn't do it at the contract.

01:06:01: That's trying to close this in clothes even though he told me as going to close an add like five of those things where other people did into there park and has carrying all these frustration inside of me.

01:06:10: so now its eight thirty at night and it's brush your teeth time and theirs my little kid whose not brushing her teeth because she dancing up down stairs.

01:06:18: now In and of itself, the dancing is... there's nothing wrong with that.

01:06:22: It's actually super cute and super funny in a beautiful moment.

01:06:25: But because my frustrations for the rest of day are still inside me And they're boiling cause I can't get rid them The temptation to vent frustration at the person who was dancing up down on little stairs.

01:06:39: Then i call this concept transference where you take energy from others and you direct it at someone who didn't create.

01:06:48: And sadly, if we're not careful in life will often directed the people that are most likely to forgive us for it.

01:06:54: The crazy sad thing is your kids will forgive almost anything but its not necessary.

01:06:59: ask them keep proving this.

01:07:02: So having a tiny filter between our brain or mouth allows us realize In that moment child's problem could be significant other.

01:07:12: You come home from a day of work, you're frustrated and they say how was your day?

01:07:16: Or did drop something accidentally.

01:07:18: All the sudden all frustrations get directed at them but were not source for problem.

01:07:24: understanding this concept of transference putting filter between brain in mouth is one thing we can do with life.

01:07:32: I wish i would have known that

01:07:36: There's this energy and it explodes in something.

01:07:39: And I really like the fact that you're talking about this point, John because... ...I was reading the book The Second One of the Café series.. ..and exactly that part drove me crazy!

01:07:47: Because y'know?

01:07:47: I was so frustrated by THAT guy!

01:07:51: I said to myself Hopefully THIS guy is made up.

01:07:54: It's SO hard To be so perfect as he is describing his father In this book Who can not yell at all but be patient all of the time.

01:08:03: I think there's one situation where he says that, you basically kind of derailed when he was with his child in a camping situation or something.

01:08:10: but i found myself exactly in this situation and someone will realize okay?

01:08:14: You're basically copying your father anyway who is some kind of?

01:08:18: how do say it in English?

01:08:19: like if your emotions rise up really fastly

01:08:22: not sure what to feel like?

01:08:23: somebody has got a fast hot trigger so doesn't take much just set them off very quickly.

01:08:29: It's pretty explosive in the way that they demonstrate it.

01:08:33: Exactly, and I mean i'm happy as you mentioned that apart with a sorry... ...I can imagine this is quite powerful for you or has been quite powerful to understand.

01:08:41: The lack of a sorry was still filled something else With some kind of love act because what I often do Is?

01:08:47: I sit there and realize said okay actually we're not mad at your children You were just frustrated Because you didn't sleep well.

01:08:53: And this happened at work.

01:08:55: Your nerve costume is, you know not working properly.

01:08:58: And I go to them and say listen i'm sorry... ...and I think this is a helpful part but still I am afraid of being forced.. ..to pay a psychiatric doctor in the future because what did too much children?

01:09:07: Well

01:09:08: it comes down to defining for ourselves who we want be.

01:09:12: A lot focus that your other podcast.

01:09:14: work on business front obviously The Big Five For Life book all about leadership our connections with people life.

01:09:23: It's very easy for us to just accept other people's version of how to do something.

01:09:29: We do have the flexibility and capacity though, to define ourselves who we want to be.

01:09:34: then hold our selves that standard.

01:09:36: And again... ...we absorb code all time when growing up.

01:09:41: We absorb code at a young age working in an environment.

01:09:44: Our perception is usually driven by our experiences with leaders When you first start working.

01:09:49: That what we think about as leadership Leadership applies too.

01:09:53: We interact with others who work with us.

01:09:55: It applies to the way we lead our friends and family in a given situation, it also applies to how we lead ourselves.

01:10:01: what are the standards that were holding ourselves accountable towards in life?

01:10:05: And sometimes it's the smallest things that enable us to achieve so much bigger thing again this tiny filter.

01:10:13: So two pieces of one.

01:10:14: is I said to myself Who do i want be as father?

01:10:17: What standard should hold me accountable too?

01:10:20: Okay im not going.

01:10:21: raise my voice And then I apply this tiny filter.

01:10:25: So when I feel the frustration boiling inside of me and have the urge to yell, I just pause for just thirty seconds and say where is that actually coming from?

01:10:35: What would a moment be like if i don't let it out right?

01:10:38: what if?

01:10:38: find different way.

01:10:40: And the crazy cool thing is it just challenges us to think, it challenges us grow.

01:10:45: It challenges us find another way as opposed to being responsive.

01:10:50: old code that we absorbed when didn't even realize were absorbing in this so much more authentic.

01:10:56: When you really think about it The Old Code Is Not Authentic.

01:10:59: That's Just Us Absorbing Code When We're Not Able To Perceive That Were Even Absorbin In Us Consciously Putting a Filter That Says Wait What Do I Actually Want Be Like In This Moment?

01:11:08: Thats Authentique.

01:11:09: Hmm, I tend to call this the inner spectator who's sitting on my shoulder.

01:11:13: Yeah kind of yeah Spectating yourself from an outer perspective.

01:11:18: But to be honest it so insanely hard because you know It's called derailleur Because you derail your loose contact You know to the ground in a way and then?

01:11:28: Okay Let's breathe let step back think for a moment.

01:11:32: I think it's insanely hard.

01:11:34: I don't about you Maybe it's a question of training.

01:11:36: It's insanely hard in the same way that learning a language or learning to play an instrument is hard.

01:11:40: The first year is the worst because you're dealing with everything that's brand new, You haven't established patterns that you know how to easily navigate.

01:11:50: but I would say With any of those and the same with parenting and the sandwich being great leader again whether your leading yourself for others Is that?

01:11:59: most authentic doing it, and you see the positive results.

01:12:02: It becomes easier and easier.

01:12:03: Let's use a kid example when you lose it with a kid And engage in transference You vent your frustrations of day on them because they dropped their cup.

01:12:12: How do they respond?

01:12:13: They're hurt and they're sad, and they are crying.

01:12:17: They can't figure out what just happened And you created a dissonance as opposed to love.

01:12:21: in that moment I don't know a parent of the world who would look at it like great!

01:12:25: That's exactly what i was hoping to experience.

01:12:27: Even worse...they will copy this behavior As you've mentioned earlier.

01:12:31: That is a great point.

01:12:32: So your writing code for them.

01:12:34: But if instead You put the tiny pause there How does that feel?

01:12:43: So now you're just establishing things that work better.

01:13:12: How would Joe look like if this and that happened to him?

01:13:16: Or, If he was treated like this.

01:13:17: And Like That?

01:13:18: Because you know we always tend To think We are This & That We're Honest We Are Directed We Are Happy But in a way Life Forms how WE ARE.

01:13:27: At least I'm Asking Myself This Question Is It Character?

01:13:30: Is it Trades That i Inherit Naturally or is it Things That Happen To Me The Consequences I Take Out Of This?

01:13:37: What's Your Idea About This?

01:13:38: I definitely think we're a reflection of the experiences that we have and the environments that we've been introduced in Exposed To.

01:13:44: i still believe though, That you can find examples Of someone who comes from A similar situation And Still has The capacity to turn their life In any direction they wanted to go!

01:13:54: So while You may not Have written... ...the first one-third of the story.. ..you do get to write the second & third act.

01:14:04: Yeah ,and there could be great inspiration No matter what challenges or struggles that you found yourself in.

01:14:10: for the first act to this goes back to The biography piece finding examples of people who have gone through something similar learn What they did?

01:14:17: To enable them to get out of that situation both physically emotionally mentally and then redirect their life And a direction that they wanted to go and learned from those stories and apply Those same techniques to your own life so that you gets right.

01:14:29: an amazing second-and third Act.

01:14:30: yeah, there's actually a lovely point as well.

01:14:32: That thing you mentioned with the power off whose mm-hmm Do you mean this, like literally when you talk about biographies?

01:14:38: Like reading and learning about people?

01:14:40: or is it more about mentors meeting.

01:14:42: People talking having someone guiding you?

01:14:45: I think all the above is incredibly useful often for something that's very specific.

01:14:49: You may find It's easier to find The biography of Someone who has gone through Something like That but if you can Find in form Of a real person Who Is willing To be A great Mentor That Spectacular.

01:15:00: And i was asking Myself When i read This point In your books How do you prevent yourself from copying something that's not yours?

01:15:07: Because if you're looking at a different biography and saying, okay we have these in that similarities.

01:15:11: This is the aspect might be different but with this similarity he did listen to it.

01:15:15: I should do the same But maybe It' s not right for you or person who are looking

01:15:21: Yeah so your goal is allow yourselves to write your version of your story And sometimes the best thing they get from The Who Is learning how they moved away what wasn't working to a place where they could create their own story.

01:15:35: So it doesn't mean that you're going to use their Story Act II and Act III, to imitate for your own life but the techniques they used to get at point were they can write the rest of there story is what we are gonna do.

01:15:46: so I'm not about when he created your version of reality in whatever direction if wanted to go.

01:15:51: In our experience with does help more to look at this stuff people did right or to look up the stuff the people did wrong?

01:15:56: That probably depends on one situation as they are going through.

01:16:00: i like to spend my time Primarily understanding the things that they did, that went wrong.

01:16:05: But I really focus on the things That went right and so i'm willing to learn from someone else's mistakes for sure but eighty percent of my time looking at all the mistakes people made.

01:16:16: I'd much rather spend a significant chunk in my time, looking at what worked as opposed to what

01:16:19: didn't.".

01:16:20: Is this also about motivation?

01:16:22: Like seeing positive examples because i also realized there's a strange effect...I was always asking myself why do people go through these anonimic alcoholics things which are seen TV series or movies sometimes And as soon as you had the moment of someone telling a story that was painful for him or her, and you witnessed the same or experienced the same.

01:16:42: You feel totally bonded.

01:16:43: so sometimes it already helps to know there's some one else in the same situation like you are but I haven't found out why this is the case?

01:16:50: Well

01:16:51: i think its when we feel were only one thats experiencing a particular thing Or they're onyone in their situations We feel very alone.

01:16:58: being alone can make us afraid.

01:17:02: others have actually experienced something like you're experiencing and Have gotten out of it so that they could write their second-and third act.

01:17:09: That a makes you realize.

01:17:11: You're not alone And B gives you a role model to follow.

01:17:14: It just gives you confidence that it's possible To move your life in that direction.

01:17:18: So I'd say all those three things are factor.

01:17:20: why?

01:17:20: That's powerful

01:17:22: Totally make sense John, I have the feeling that Actually there's so much stuff i would like to think about after talking to you and this feels Like some kind of milestone being complete in a way.

01:17:33: So thanks a lot for sharing all of this, I really enjoyed it!

01:17:36: You're very welcome.

01:17:36: thank you again for hosting the podcast and doing the work that you do And i love interactions where i get the chance to have a conversation on a podcast and To share because i learn Every bit as much from the person i'm talking too.

01:17:48: is i hope That someone is getting out of the conversation pieces that i'm sharing?

01:17:52: the framework to share some of mine as well.

01:18:00: And I hope that all the listeners can find something in our discussion, connects with them and relates their life.

01:18:05: it helps on personal trajectory.

01:18:07: Yeah i guess one your magic powers maybe when we shared is curiosity?

01:18:11: Is this possible?

01:18:12: Very much so!

01:18:13: yeah...and again thats what had me get comfortable over time but willingness to realize you are not doing this by yourself.

01:18:21: there's answers out there and curious ask questions learn.

01:18:25: other people know.

01:18:26: It's very, very powerful in terms of living a spectacular life.

01:18:41: Just like for a visit on our social media channels to keep updates and excessive content.

01:19:01: You can find

01:19:01: the links in the show notes, we look forward to your suggestions and feedback about future topics and guests.

01:19:07: So until next time!

01:19:08: Stay inspired and curious!

01:19:09: Your Joel.